Every single night, when I go to sleep,
I wait for my anima, my soul. I close my
eyes, and wait. Sometimes I see her eye,
nothing more. She does not speak to me.
Not yet.

Inside my lucid dreams I look for
her. Inside. I ask every woman I meet:
"Are you her?". But they don't answer,
they only ask: "Do you think I am?".

I light a candle, or just pick an
object, sit comfortably and stare at it
without moving a single muscle. Do not
blink, until your eyes water, then close
your eyes and imagine. Trataka they call
it. I look for her in the image.
Sometimes I pick a character on the
screen. Usually z, and specifically the
top right pixel where the lines connect.

But why, why do the meditation before,
why stare at a candle? Can I look
without the looker? Can I see without
knowing what I will see? She will only
come when you are not looking, but if
you are not looking how would you see
her?

Ha!

The price of getting what you want is
getting what you once wanted.