I love coding so much. I don't mean software, I mean just writing code and talking to the machine. Many nights I open blank emacs and just stare at the non-blinking block cursor until something comes out. The sillier the better. Even if it's just a few symbols, sometimes its just for (;;);. Sometimes I open code that I consider beautiful, some Tromp diagrams, or K&R code.

Every day I am reminded how far I am from truly understanding complexity and programmable machines.

Now most code I write is just tokens. Tens of thousands of tokens per day, empty. I skim through them to decide if they will work or not, accept or reject them. Again, and again... I have no empathy or emotion towards them, I feel nothing, I have become the computer that evaluates them. From machinist to machine. I can feel it. I can feel how it is taking me away from the path of understanding. Every day, little by little. You must have noticed it too.

I miss it. I miss programming. People say this is what love is, when you miss something so much, it hurts. When the pain is gone, there will be nothing, but fire. I will fuel this fire.

I am going back, back to the wires, making my own computers, my own operating systems, my own languages. Pointless, useless, by myself, for myself. [1] [2]

Back to become a better machinist. Listening to Man on the Silver Mountain, and watching the block cursor at night.

By day, I will just pretend to be a machine, and evaluate the tokens, and that is OK.

PS: I am totally OK with AI upgrading my react native dependencies though :)

The path is long. The fire burns. Gilgamesh says: When there's no way out, you just follow the way in front of you.